There are a few things that aren’t taught in school, one of them being what I like to call the “Basic Party/Get-together Etiquette” (Yes. There is such a thing, and the fact that you didn’t know that further proves my point). Etiquette can be described as socially acceptable behavior for a given activity or event. Therefore, there is an etiquette for almost every activity you can think of including parties.

There’s always that person who comes to a party and leaves everyone else wondering how such a person got invited to the same party as them in the first place. Please don’t be that person. Here are a few things to keep in mind as soon as you get an invitation to any sort of party or event (including weddings).

BE Invited

Yes. You have to be invited first. You don’t invite yourself, you don’t beg or solicit to be invited. Your invitation should not be implied, except you’re on the planning committee or a general invitation was given to you and a group of others. Never show up to an event or party you weren’t invited to by a person competent to issue a valid invitation. Which brings me to my next point, an invitation is best when received from the celebrant or host themselves. If you’re getting your invitation from someone else, ensure that the person has the authority to validly invite you, e.g if someone asks you to accompany them, you have to ask if they’re allowed to bring a plus one. 

Gather all Your Information Before the Event

There’s nothing as annoying for your host as you calling them on the day of the party or event to find out some information that you could have found out on the day you were invited. It’s rude to call them on that day to find out the venue and time of the event, or to ask them to text you the address or to “share their location” on iMessage. Asides being rude, they may be too busy putting things in place to attend to your needs. You may even run the risk of getting frustrated with their lack of response, or worse still, missing the event entirely. 

The proper thing to do will be to ask all the questions to get all the information you need, that wasn’t provided in the invitation, immediately you get the invitation or at least weeks before the day of the event. The only time you’re forgiven from trying to get information a few days or hours before the event is if you had asked for that information priorly, and the person inviting you, not having the information at that moment, promised to get back to you and failed to do so.

Dress Code

There’s always a dress code, even when there isn’t a strict and express one, there is usually an implied one. Wearing something that is off that dress-code (express or implied) would make you stick out like a sore thumb, and may even get to the extent of scandalizing people. For instance, imagine someone wearing a skanky outfit to a Child Baptism Ceremony, and picture the scandalized look on the face of the other guests. Wearing ripped jeans and a tee to a wedding will cause a few turns as well.

If it’s your first time attending that type of event, you can ask for the dress-code or the general mood of the event (formal, casual, dressy-casual, conservative, etc). You can also check online for outfit ideas.

It’s nice to get the memo on what you’re expected to wear early enough, to help you plan ahead and put your outfit together beforehand; so you don’t get stranded and be tempted to throw on just anything.

The RSVP Rule

If an invitation says to “RSVP”, please and please do make an effort to confirm your availability to attend. Some invitations come with an RSVP card, which you are to complete and mail back to the host or planner; other RSVP wordings indicate a link for making your RSV.

Whatever the case, always follow the host’s instructions on how to RSVP. If you had “RSVP-ed” in affirmative, and you subsequently realize you won’t be able to make it anymore, you need to promptly inform the person that invited you, with an apology and an explanation; so they can make adequate adjustments to their plans. Do not RSVP with a no, and eventually show up and vice versa.

This is important because a lot of people plan their small events using an estimated or definite headcount. 

Plus One

If your invitation does not clearly state that you’re entitled to a “plus one”, please do not go taking another person (or worse, a bunch of other people) along with you to the event. This is terrible manners. For one, you put the host in a very uncomfortable situation, if they had made plans strictly on the number of invitations issued. For another, you make your companions look like party crashers and that is embarrassing. If you have an invite that does not state “plus one”, and you’re not clear on whether you can bring one, you can ask the host or the person who invited you. If they’re not ok with you bringing a guest, do not go ahead and bring one. 

Gifts

Do not honor an invitation to a party or attend an event empty-handed. Always take a gift for the host or celebrant with you, no matter how small. Your gift can range from anywhere between a bottle of wine to a bracelet from Cartier, as long as it is appropriate for the occasion, and considering your relationship with the host. E.g, don’t bring a “His and Hers” set of bathrobes for the birthday of your colleague’s one-year-old. The appropriate gifts to bring are pretty much common sense, but you can always surf the internet for ideas if you’re not certain. 

Along with this point, I must add in uppercase: DO NOT ATTEND A POTLUCK (or any form of “bring and share”) WITHOUT YOUR CONTRIBUTION. 

That being said, if you do so on purpose, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I leave you with these Basic Party/Get-together Etiquette points to mule over. Do add a few to our list in the comments.