Being a woman has been fascinating to me. I was out with a few friends a couple of weeks ago, and our conversation (naturally) stirred to the joys and challenges of being a woman. One recurring theme was that we mothers tend to neglect our well-being. Not only do we not seek out time to rest, refresh, and recharge, but we are drenched in unreasonable guilt whenever we decide to, as much as, sit for a few minutes to savour a meal (while it’s actually hot and suitable for human consumption) while trying to enjoy an episode of our favourite tv show(which we are so behind on, that we just might never catch up). We are laden with guilt any day we spend more than five minutes in the shower. We always seem to need convincing that time spent on ourselves is not time wasted. No, it is not societal conditioning; it’s just the way our nurturing nature is wired, and we need to rewire it to accommodate our most pressing need — self-care.

“Why self-care?”, you ask with raised brows.

You see, becoming a mom —as you have most likely discovered for yourself by now— comes with its fair share of responsibilities, which (unfortunately) require your entire self — body, soul, heart, and mind— to constantly run, with little to no breaks. We spend all day taking care of others, with so much depending on us in our homes, places of work, social circles (if you’re lucky enough to still have one), churches, and other communities, that twenty-four hours just isn’t enough to get it all done. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything in the universe. However, I have had to do a bit of work on myself, to ensure that I’m more intentional about carving out time for myself, and I’ve vowed to promote this God-given responsibility of ours to take good care of the body He created and entrusted to us. that’s why I am big on the importance of self-care.

What is self-care? Is it sitting around with lit candles and humming or going on some expensive trip to the Maldives? It could be either. It doesn’t matter much what you do; what is important is knowing the principle behind why you’re doing it. Self-care is the process of taking care of oneself physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. It is taking steps to manage the stressors in your life and taking care of your health and well-being. In simpler English, it’s being intentional about your well-being.

With Mother’s Day around the corner, I believe this is the perfect time to indulge in some self-care. Now, I do realize that some of us get intimidated by the exotic, over the top, overindulgences the media sometimes sells us as top-tier self-care, which we may not be able to afford (and I don’t even mean financially), so I’m going to be sharing my top REALISTIC self-care tips with you. I have found them helpful at different points, and I’m hoping you’d find them helpful too.

Help

Help is one thing mothers find hard to accept, not because they’re trying to be superwomen, but because most times, no one else would take the time to do the things they need to get done as well as they would. I totally get this. But you need to let go of the need to have things always done perfectly if you’re ever going to get a breather. Also, try to ignore the guilt of having someone else perform some of your duties occasionally. Ask for help whether from family and friends or getting paid help, so you can take some hours off to do something for yourself. Help could also come in the form of automating processes or having machines do some of the work for you.

If you’re feeling exhausted, please step away and ALLOW someone to help you. Don’t wait till you break down. 

Rest

It’s been a busy week and Saturday is here. You’ve done all of the house chores and extra. You’ve taken your children or nieces and nephews to their extra-curricular activities and clubs. You have done the grocery run in record time. You have dinner ready and sitting on the stove, two hours before it will be eaten. You have sorted, folded and put away everyone’s laundry. Your house is tidy and clean. You are relaxing in front of Netflix and you feel guilty about taking a break? You shouldn’t. Rest is not a reward for hard work. You don’t earn rest. You need it. It’s a necessity. So take the time to rest as often as possible. Schedule your rest breaks if possible.

Delegate

If all your responsibilities can only be handled by you alone, you’re setting yourself and your family up for disaster. What happens when you are, for some reason, unable to perform those duties? It is good practice to involve your family in those chores, and I don’t even mean this from a self-care move point of view. However, if it’s possible, take some load off your plate long term by delegating some of your duties to others. Learn to delegate in the different spheres of your life, at work or home. Entrust people around you with responsibilities. You just might be surprised at their capabilities.

Self date

Have you ever tried this before? It’s a blissful experience and I encourage everyone to try it out at least once in their lifetime. Go somewhere nice on your own. Plan out this date like you would plan out one with your husband or a loved one. Remember we’ve been called to love our neighbours as we love ourselves. Learn to enjoy your own company.

Massage

How long has it been since you got a deep tissue or even just a relaxing body massage? Massages have been said to reduce stress and increase relaxation. And if like me, you have a toddler, it’d revive the dead arm and aching shoulder from hoisting their little but surprisingly heavy bodies up several times a day, for hours at a stretch. Your body needs it, mama. Book somewhere nice and enjoy it.

Manicure/Pedicure

There’s always something special and relaxing about getting your hands or/and feet groomed. It makes you feel nice and could be a major mood booster too. It’s a good way to get those feet that have endured long hours of standing and those hands that have endured all manners of kitchen accidents pampered. Go all out and treat yourself to gel polish too! It’d last you longer.

Facials

Retrieve your glow! This beauty treatment is not only sure to boost your mood, but also your confidence! This is especially great for those of us that don’t wear makeup frequently. Just be sure to maintain that glow by keeping up with your daytime and nighttime skincare routine. You can catch up on mine here.

Yoga

More than a physical workout, yoga is a full mind and body workout. Hop on YouTube and check out videos on how to go about it. In addition to the relaxing effect this activity has on you, it’s also a good way to get a little workout and stretch in. 

Meditation

Meditation is a practice in which you use a technique – such as mindfulness, or focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm, and stable state. The stillness that the act of meditating brings is calming and helps you reconnect with God and with yourself. Use this opportunity to focus on areas in your life you need clarity on – your relationship with God, future goals etc.

Reading

Having more responsibilities as an adult woman has affected my love for reading. Being able to relax and wander off into my book is a self-care tool. I didn’t know I’ll need it. These days, I don’t even wait till I have the time to read the book. I just listen to the audiobooks. I have a stack of books in my to-read pile and I’m slowly but steadily ticking them off. As relaxing as this is, it is also quite enrichening for your mind. When was the last time you nourished your mind? Dust that book off your shelf, steep yourself some tea, and relax.

Girls’ night out

Being in the company of your girlfriends or posse, having fun while trading stories and relaying experiences without fear of judgement is a great way of laying off stress. Sometimes, it doesn’t have to be an expensive outing. You could all gather at a friend’s house and make it a potluck hangout. You know what else?! It doesn’t even have to be physical! Thanks (no thanks) to covid, anything and everything can be done virtually these days. Pour yourself some “mom juice” (wink wink), and hop on that conference call with your girlfriends! This way you can reunite with your girls whom life has scattered all over the globe, and have a girls’ night in.

Shopping for yourself

I recently decorated my kitchen and I had to do some major shopping for the different pieces I used. Though the items I purchased were the essentials I needed to make my kitchen a little more pleasant, I found a way to give myself a little treat within that, by getting myself this great coffee maker that I am absolutely in love with it; and even setting up my coffee station — or do I say my ‘mom fuel station’! The moral of this little story is: Once in a while take the time to buy something nice and fun for yourself. Pick something that is just for you. It doesn’t always have to be a practical item either. Just don’t go about wasting money.

One day vacation

I’m sure you’ve fantasized about this one. So why not?! All it requires is proper planning and a little funds. Leave as early as you can; go somewhere you’ve always wanted to go; do something you’ve always wanted to do. It could also be as simple as checking into a resort or hotel a little distance away from home and just relaxing. You could either be alone or with some friends. Spend a minimum of 12hours away and come home feeling refreshed. 

Retreat

Going on a retreat is a great way to recharge physically, intellectually, emotionally and most importantly, spiritually. This is something you should plan towards at least annually. I can’t tell you how much good it does my soul to just have this little time away from the world and everyone. Give it a try!

Me time

This isn’t even supposed to be considered a luxury. It is a necessity we humans need to stay healthy. Having some hours or minutes every day to yourself (not for work, not for chores, not for social media) is a great way to unplug and reconnect with yourself and your surroundings. It keeps you grounded and helps you check in on you daily.

Gardening

There’s something inexplicably soothing about planting something and watching it grow into vegetables, herbs, ornamental shrubs, flowers, or even a tree. You could have a mini garden in your backyard, balcony (urban gardening), or have a couple of house plants. Enjoy nature’s gift to you.

So my darling, with these tips, I hope you’ve come to realize that treating yourself does not mean breaking the bank. Get to taking care of yourself too.

Share with other moms and moms-in-waiting you know will need this.

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