Ash Wednesday has a way of sneaking up on you. One moment you’re navigating January, and suddenly here we are — marked with ash, standing at the entrance of 40 days that the Church has set apart for something genuinely transformative.

The question is: are you going to let these 40 days happen to you, or are you going to happen to them?

The Case for a Lenten Plan

I coach women on building intentional, elegant lives, and if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that intention without a plan is just a wish. Lent is no different. The Church gives us three beautiful pillars to work with — prayer, fasting, and almsgiving — but how you build with those pillars is entirely up to you.

One reframe I always love to offer: fasting doesn’t have to be purely about subtraction. Yes, giving something up creates space. But the real magic happens when you decide what to fill that space with. Stepping back from social media means very little if you’re just going to fill the silence with something equally mindless. But if that reclaimed time becomes prayer, reading, or simply more presence with your family? Now we’re talking.

Think also about the human virtues — punctuality, order, focus, follow-through. These are the quiet architecture of an elegant life, and Lent is a surprisingly powerful season to strengthen them.

Bringing Your Family Along

Here’s a question I started asking my coaching clients this week: What’s your Lenten plan for your kids?

The responses were telling. Some moms had never considered it. Others assumed Lent was an adult affair. But children are never too young to be formed, and we — as their mothers — are their first and most lasting teachers.

Last year was the first time I approached Lent with both a personal plan and a family one, and the difference was remarkable. Something as simple as committing to family dinners most evenings — actually sitting down, talking, being present — created a warmth in our home that we didn’t want to let go of when Easter came. So we didn’t.

For the children themselves, I love the idea of choosing one virtue to work on with each child — something tailored to them, not a blanket rule for the household. A child who struggles with distraction might benefit from a simple focus practice. One who needs to grow in responsibility might take on a new household task. Small, specific, and sustainable.

Spiritually, this is also a rich season to deepen their faith in age-appropriate ways. In our home, we do one Station of the Cross each Friday — we talk about it, ask questions, and then color a printed illustration of that station together. My little ones genuinely love it, and I love that they’re growing up with Lent woven into their sense of who they are.

A Final Word of Encouragement

Nobody told us motherhood would require this much of us. But I truly believe the returns — in our children’s character, in our family’s culture, in our own growth — are worth every ounce of effort.

The grace for all of this already exists. We just have to show up for it.

How are you approaching Lent this year? I’d love to hear from you.