“Chioma, have you been to the Perfume Preschool?”

“I’m already in the Elementary school and learning about scent groups and the notes that perfumes could have, Fola”

Here’s a simple example of a conversation. Conversations are the core of communication and it takes practice to perfect them. It is not just what we talk about, but how we go about the talking. The more we do it, the better we get at it and the easier it becomes. 

Being a good communicator is like being a pilot. You first kick start the conversation with a suitable and appropriate topic, this should invite the other person to join in by opening the door to a response. The key to keep on flying on this plane of conversation is to keep listening. 

As you listen, your mind is able to connect the bits of information with memories, ideas, and other information you already have stored in your mind. 

The key to the art of conversation is the ability to listen. When someone is speaking, you should be able to appear interested, open and attentive. Show that you’re actively listening by maintaining eye contact, giving acknowledgement eg nods, “I understand”, etc. 

“That’s interesting Chioma. What perfume are you currently wearing? I don’t like it. Are you sure you understood what you read?”

“Funny you would say that as yours doesn’t even smell better” Chioma retorted.

Disagreements are not fun and they could come up due to the slightest of difference in opinions.

Disagreements could ruin a relationship if not handled properly. When next you are in a disagreement with someone, remember these tips:

Disagree politely. Learn how to disagree politely. Be kind and gracious in your speech. A difference in opinions does not call for rude or callous speech.

Do not stubbornly state your opinion, insist that you’re right, lash out at others or call them names.

A conversation is not a debate. You cannot “win”. 

Differences of opinion are inevitable and can sometimes even be interesting, enlightening and informative to an open-minded conversationalist. 

Learn to appreciate the different perspectives others can bring to a conversation to give it flavour and spice.  Listen to what the other person has to say. It might be  case of both of you seeing from different perspectives but being correct. Do you remember the story of two persons looking at a shape from different ends and one person saw ‘6’ and the other person saw ‘9’?

Conversational skills are skills that can be taught and learnt. This means that you can improve on your skills. Below are some things you should start doing to improve on your skills.

DURING CONVERSATIONS

• Use an “indoor voice”. Speak softly. 
• Pay attention to pitch and intonation.
• Pronounce your words clearly.
• Do not curse or swear.
• In conversation, it is more important to be a great listener than to be an eloquent speaker. 

• Do not interrupt people.
• Do not dominate the conversation. Allow people have a go too. 
• Use kind words. Avoid negative words, hurtful words, and vulgar words. 
• Pay attention to your body language. Your posture and your gestures (gesture).
• Minimise your screen time when with company. It’s rude to stare at your phone when someone is speaking directly to you. It is also rude to keep making or taking calls, checking your phone, texting or going on social media when with people. It is equally rude to have your earphones when you’re part of a conversation. 

ON GIVING OF OPINIONS,ADVICE AND COMPLIMENTS

• Do not give advice unless invited to do so. 
• Do not jump into a conversation you’re not a part of to give your opinions without first being invited expressly or impliedly. Do not intrude on a conversation you’re not a part of. If you must, excuse yourself and apologize profusely for intruding, then ask that you be permitted to do so, before going ahead.
• Do not interrupt people when they are speaking. Allow them audience and wait till they are done. If it is imperative that you interrupt them, always apologize beforehand. Always listen and pay attention when a person is speaking to you. Adopt good listening postures: sit up, keep your eyes on them, nod when necessary, use words that show that you’re listening, but that does not interrupt but encourage the speaker, eg “right”, “got it” “interesting”, etc.

• Respect other people’s views even when you do not agree with them. Disagree politely or diplomatically.
• Do not reprimand or criticize individuals publicly, except it is a matter of public opinion. Even then, be civil with it. 
• Compliment when appropriate, but do not flatter. Always keep the compliments appropriate.
• Do not be afraid to say “no”. However, do so in the best way possible, without being false, in-genuine or patronizing. Accompany a “no” with a positive comment, and a polite or warm smile. Eg “No, but thank you for offering”. You can also accompany your “no” with a an honest reason. This is not always necessary, save for some persons who our relationship with them requires that we proffer reasons for the “no”.

Best of all, remain kind and gracious in your speech.