“Femininity is not just lipstick, stylish hairdos, and trendy clothes. It is the divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your qualities of your capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength.” ~

James E. Faust

“KAKA!, Why is my makeup bag open and on the floor? How many times have I told you to stop playing with mummy’s makeup?” 

This and many more similar statements were one of the things I heard growing up. I grew up a girly girl wanting to try out my mother’s makeup, play dress-up with her clothes and accessories and have a fashion runway show every other day. Don’t tell her but I’ll still play dress-up with my mum’s wardrobe any time any day. Those vintage pieces !?! Oh my!

Over time I’ve come to realize that being girly does not speak to femininity alone. What does it mean to be girly? Who defines girly? This is a conversation that has taken the front burner in recent times. What qualities qualify as masculine or feminine is subject and open to discussion. Would you say there are innate masculine or feminine qualities or cultural norms?

In our culture, a trait is deemed “feminine” if it is often associated with women. Common examples include being verbal and communicative, being nurturing and having an appreciation for beautiful or aesthetically pleasing things. Similarly, other traits are deemed “masculine” solely because they are often associated with men (being competitive or aggressive, physical exertion or using brute force, being silent and stoic and being mathematically or technically oriented). What all of these traits share is the fact that they are all human traits that are found to varying degrees in all people regardless of their gender. Most of us express some combination of traits from both the feminine and masculine categories and that is not a bad thing.

Some traits have been stereotypically classified as feminine. Traits such as nurturance, sensitivity, sweetness, supportiveness, gentleness, warmth, passivity, cooperativeness, expressiveness, modesty, humility, empathy, affection, tenderness, and being emotional, kind, helpful, devoted, and understanding. This ideology tends to box certain qualities into a box when they could be shared by males and females without being frowned upon. E.g being nurturing should not just be a feminine thing because men are in some ways meant to show the quality of being nurturing.

With my current train of thoughts, I’ve come to realize that being feminine isn’t about the frilly clothes or wearing pink clothes and walking with a certain pompous air all around you. It is not walking around with faux ‘shoulder pads’ because your worth is based on your fickle belongings. Being feminine doesn’t mean having a perfect face with makeup on and your typical hourglass figure. These things in themselves aren’t bad but I believe it becomes an issue when you base your femininity on them. Femininity is not acting or appearing helpless every time you are in the company of the opposite sex. Femininity is not appearing dumb or acting unintelligently. Women are intelligent beings too.

If I could describe femininity in three words, it would be grace, elegance and virtue. 

Femininity is about exuding grace as a lady. It’s about being a better human. You can be more feminine by taking those little steps in lifestyle changes. As events in your life happen, you might need to highlight different aspects of your femininity. It’s been interesting navigating my femininity as a mother. I shared some of my experiences here.

Do you need practical steps on how to improve your femininity and be a better human? The suggestions I share below can be practised easily by even men and they would be seen as better humans too.

Practice proper posture. Sit up straight. Don’t slouch when you walk. Make an intentional effort not to drag your feet when walking.

Speak proper grammar. I shared tips on how to speak elegantly here. You should watch it.

Do to others what you want them to do to you. This would cover the virtue aspect of the three points I mentioned when describing what femininity is to me. Be kind to people around you, your family, friends, colleagues, workers etc. Be a kind human

Show empathy. Empathy is being able to understand and share the feelings of others. Be empathetic to others.

Dress elegantly. Elegance does not always mean expensive. Remember the saying dress the way you want to be addressed (Irrespective of this popular saying, you should treat everybody right even though they aren’t dressed in a particular way you think they should be).

Cultivate good manners. Practice your etiquette rules in the right situations. For instance, in a workspace, there is a certain way you behave. I put together some tips for you here. Good manners are a necessity. Practice it.

Be self-confident. There’s nothing like a woman who knows and understands her worth walking into a room. Now, this is the ‘air’ you should carry around you; the air of knowing who you are and understanding your self-worth.

Embracing my femininity has given me a different outlook on life. Don’t be afraid to embrace your femininity.